PMS

This past weekend I found myself envisioning a huge dish of homemade macaroni-n-cheese, drizzled with melted milk chocolate and a Turtle cheesecake for dessert. My energy level was zilch and I was sporting 3 bright red, shiny new pimples on my face. Say what? 39 years old and going through puberty...again?? What is up with that? I could have ate the house out. Visions of Doritos, cheese-covered fries and giant milkshakes danced in my head. My lower back was in complete spasmatic funfest. I wanted a heating pad, a bed and comfy, almost falling off me sweats.

Fatigue...haha...not even close. More dead than alive might begin to describe me at that point.

The older I get, the more problems I seem to have with my menstrual cycles. They are exactly 4 weeks apart. I mean exactly. I can literally bank on it. What I can't rely on is exactly which symptoms I will be plaqued with. There are always migraines, lower back spasms and diarrhea...after that, it's anyone's guess. This month I was struck with consuming fatigue, an unsatiable appetite (which I did not satisfy - yay for me) and pubescent-style acne.

What amazes me is the time span for which these symptoms may appear. Take this month for example. 2 weeks before my actual period started, my migraines came on like gangbusters. 1 week before, the migraines were still here, plus I received all the other li'l gifts as mentioned above. This morning, I started bleeding. Now I have all the forementioned symptoms, along with stomach cramps and it sorta feels like my va-j-j is going to turn inside out and fall off. Ever seen a dog in heat? Yup. That's what it feels like.

Have I mentioned the emotional roller coaster ride? So, I'm home by myself on Tuesday. Well, hubby was in bed (3rd shift), the chickens were being chickens and the dogs...haha...the dogs. Yeah. That's what I was getting to. Boo bit Ziggy for the 2nd day in a row. Tears. Sobbing, ugly cry, tears. Pathetic. Ziggy had a small 'hole' in his ear, otherwise fine. There I was, sitting on the couch, crying like I had just lost my best friend. Two hours later - laughing hysterically at some stupid email I received. Yet two more hours pass - angry. I mean really pissed off. Over mud. Yup. Mud. Fast forward to today: I seem to be emotionally stable, even with there being even more mud. I was down on all 4's scrubbing the hardwood flooring & singing along with my iPod, "My humps, my humps, my lovely lady bumps". Could be a mid-life crisis sorta thing. If it is, does that mean I can buy myself the Lexus I want?? It's really pretty and it's even possible I deserve it. Plus it has individual heated seats...How groovy would that be while experiencing lower back cramps? I'm just sayin'...

Oh boy. I can not wait for menopause. It's going to be a blast!!